Two Sided Coin

Tails

Today was excruciating! We left our humble suburb home a little after eight, running a little behind what I had initially planned, on our way to my grandma's funeral visitation about 5 1/2 hours away. Grabbed some non-nutritional breakfast at McDonalds and coffee before we hit the highway. Not ten minutes of being on the road and my husband and I are arguing about the tone we are each taking with each other and an incident that happened with the kids the night before.

About a half and hour of blacktop later, our van starts blinking it's dashboard at me. All the lights on the dash are flashing off and on. Now, we had our van completely "fixed" once and not two days later the check engine light came on. So, naturally we went to and auto zone to have them read the "health meter" for our van. The guy said there was nothing to worry about, it's just overly sensitive. Buying into that, I kept driving it - almost a year I'd say - and it drove fine. As time went on, another light came on. I looked that one up in our manual and found it was something about our traction. It being in the dead of summer, I didn't think anything about it. All that being said, within the last several weeks our dashboard has been informing us that all of the van doors are ajar (when they are in fact not) and our battery light and brake light are also in on this vendetta. So, I shrugged it off as a pesky quirk. I knew this one was probably a little more important, but it only happened every so often.

Anyhow, here we are on this excursion to the bordering state and the lights are acting out again. Although this time they are staying on.... and taking the speedometer, mph gauge, temperature, and gas needles all down with them. If they were sinking, dog-gone-it the whole thing was coming with it. I noticed that it only had a tantrum when I stepped on the gas. When I let up on it and coasted, it behaved. Some more time down the road, and they all went dead on me, and they didn't make a come back. I had no idea how fast I was going, or if the car was overheating, or if we were running low on gas. Needless to say, I finally got concerned. I called our local mechanic from our hometown, now almost an hour away, to ask him if he could diagnose the problem. "Sounds like your alternator, you should definitely get off the road soon, but don't turn the car off." I'm sure he gave me more information than that, but I am a girl (and yes, I'm pulling that card), and all I heard was "Bad, serious, better have this one checked out."

So, after that news we attempt to assess the situation. Coming up on a city with s few relatives who reside there, we call in back-up. We don't get a hold of anyone, so under my breath, I start praying that God would get us safety off the interstate and get help to fix our poor child-like van. Well, we got off at the next exit with a gas station. As we are passing the pumps to head for a parking spot, the car flat out dies and the power steering goes out. We coasted nicely into an open parking spot. God answered our prayers!

We got a call back from his uncle, who was in the middle of a retreat that he was leading. Blessedly enough, Uncle Joe knew a guy! He said that he was a "bit of a mechanic" ..........To Be Continued..

Uncomfortable?

Today, I was sitting in church listening to our minister preach a very good sermon in the dark. (His series this month is "Are you afraid of the dark?" All the lights were out as he started into his sermon. I thought at first that there must have been some sort of outage somewhere. However, the lights from the amps on stage were still lit. What was going on? (All of this can be thought before the blink of an eye in a woman's mind). He began talking about how some people were uncomfortable being in the dark. Then, God took a hold of my mind and RAN.

Uncomfortable? He asked me. When was the last time you were uncomfortable with me? When was the last time you purposely got uncomfortable FOR me? There is a reason that we get uncomfortable in certain situations that God calls us to. He is able to get ALL the glory.

I was chewing on that a bit and thought of a illustration that could be used to get everyone "uncomfortable." A jack! (Like with marbles) If we were to walk in to church and there was a jack on everyone's chair, how many of us would move that jack before we sat down? ALL OF US! No one wants to be uncomfortable. Not if we can help it! However, if you look back on some of the Old Testament stories, you'll find several examples of God asking someone to get uncomfortable with Him.

When God asked Noah to build an ark, it had never rained. Think about that one for a while. People didn't even know what rain was! Noah probably looked off his rocker to everyone around him. Abraham was uncomfortable when he had to tell Isaac to come offer a sacrifice to God with him.... with no lamb.

Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

You see, in those moments we have to have faith in God and trust that He knows what He is doing. No, it may not make sense to us at the time, but to Him - He gets the glory. He gets the respect and honor due Him from His child, who had faith in their Father. We all get to step back and go "Wow! That could have only been God!"

When was the last time you were uncomfortable with God? When was the last time He called you to be uncomfortable FOR Him?

That Look; the look that screams

"One bright morning, when this day is o'er, I'll fly away....."

Random tunes run through my head often. This morning it was this one. I walked out the front door, coffee cup in hand, and the thorn in my side -my cigarette- in the other. The sun was peeking over the tops of the trees as I looked around and puffed. Breaking the peaceful sounds of chirping birds and cicadas, a car with a coughing muffler came barreling down our street. Normally, when I hear that sound, I make some sort of humorous comment like, "someone should put that car out of it's misery." Today, however, before I could gather my thoughts, I caught that look out of a child in the back seat.

That look struck a chord with me, all too familiar. It wasn't a casual look that a kid would give another adult, like a joyful casual smile. It was a deep look that came with a meaning and purpose; a look with a plea that should never be presented on a kid. That look that silently screams SOS to anyone who can see, hear, and interpret. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach, as all I could offer was a concerned "I hear you" response on my face. However, the moment passed so quickly as the poor car with a cough turned the corner out of my neighborhood. I was left on my porch, unable to help that child physically. All I could do was pray.

That look threw me back into the past of when I too gave out that look, hoping and praying someone would hear my look with a plea. Being forced to grow up fast, that look was all over my face in some situations I had been in. That look is too weighted for any child to be passing out, groveling for someone responsible to answer that call.

There was no opportunity to answer that look with gumption. That poor child. God heard the call, though. He heard the call before it was made. My mind was put at ease with that not-so-random now song. I'll Fly Away. Hope resounds in those words. God responds to that look.

CONFESSION: I peaked...

I just laid my daughter down for "quiet time." She asked me if we could pray. She began thanking God for every little thing that had gone on today, yesterday, and last week. As she was listing all of the events that she was very much grateful for, I opened my eyes to look at her precious face. Her eyes were closed, and her face was priceless. I took in a deep breath and remember 2 things. 1.) I need to pray like that. I need to make sure that I thank God for those little things and never take them for granted. 2.) I remembered how much of a miracle this child really is. I thought back to the point of her coming into this world, and how it almost didn't happen. I also remembered how God literally placed extra protection around her - a HUGE answer to prayer. Life is so short. I get the comments all the time how I need to take in this time that I have with them while they are young. I am trying so hard to do just that, but heaven only knows I need those reminders. Bottom line- I peaked; and I learned something, and took it in.

Trusting

I was spinning my daughter around the other day and had a deep realization: She really trusts me. It's no wonder that God refered to the children as having a pure heart. They trust, believe, without any doubt.

I knelt down on my knees (she was standing on my thighs and holding onto my hands). She leaned back and had a huge thrill of seeing how far back she could go. I wonder what would happen if we would do that with God. Sometimes we don't lean back in fear of the unknown (falling, getting hurt, breaking trust). If we did, I am sure we would enjoy the ride that He planned for us to have.

Try with me. Let go of your fears. Throw caution into the wind, and lean back with me - with no fear of trusting that the person (or in our case God) will ever let go of us. It's our turn to RIDE!

How was your day? - Mine, I seriously should have stayed in bed!

I’m falling apart over here. The morning started off really well….kids playing/fighting, and I was completely tearing apart the coupons and ads (off in a peaceful trance). Then, we went to a field trip with our fellow homeschoolers to the police department canine unit.… We pulled up and Stephen (my youngest) had just closed his eyes. As soon as I opened the door, he woke up and was excited to see the dogs. Throughout that fun event, Rachel was restless, and getting into all kinds of trouble irritating everyone.

Then, on our way home is Kroger – I NEED a few things. So, I think I’ll go in and come out real quick. After all it was 2:30ish and Matt has practice at 5:30, which we have to leave at 5. I go in and (it was really my fault – I gave Rachel the 1-2-3, and spank, but I didn’t w/ the boys) all hell broke loose. Stephen is tired and wanting to be asleep. Rachel is in the basket part poking Stephen through the holes annoying the crap out of him. David and Matt are coming up with several games that involve getting into people’s way, including me, and making a ruckus. So, I am telling them to just hold on to the cart, and to help me. I gave them coupons of a few of the things they could help me look for – thinking they just needed something to do. Well, between me attempting to translate what the coupons were saying, finding the items, and being a constant referee and disciplinarian, I am loosing patience. It’s “boys, will you please stop running around the cart. Come over here and hold on,” “Rachel, if you touch him again you’re going to get a spanking,” “Stephen let go of those spices,” “Boys, please!” (Then, I started into the dramatic – “You are going to see smoke coming out of my ears soon!”)……..

I prayed. I asked the boys to pray. I wound up on my knees in the frozen food isle praying. (I’m not kidding…. ON MY KNEES) Telling God, “I cannot do this!”

Finally, I got the items I needed and went to the dreaded checkout isle. (Sigh) As I was placing the items up on the fast track counter, they were asking if they could “help” me. I at this point was too irritated to be rational. I came back with a “Oh, NOW you want to help me! Not 20 minutes ago when I asked you to do something, NO! You want to “HELP” me now, huh?!” (All the while, Rachel is smacking Stephen like it was some sort of game that she got points for just by hitting him.) I zone out and start franticly scanning items, pretending like the children behind me were in fact NOT calling out to me.

Then, I hear this familiar voice say, “Yeah, I think that IS Jen.” After I heard it, I knew I could either have to pretend like I didn’t hear them and not have to face the fact that I DON”T have it all under control, or look up and face the music. I look up and catch the eyes of Rex and Bailey (some friends of ours from church.) They smile and say, “Hi!” I have absolutely no words. I start shaking my head as if I’m answering a question with the answer of “no.” I broke out in tears. Yep! Right there in the checkout isle. Balled……. Like a baby! They quickly came over and consoled me (and let's not foregt to give God some props here) and answer my prayers. Bailey picked up Stephen and started entertaining the little ones. Rex attempted to figure out what in the world was going on. He grabbed bags as if he was coming home with me. (In the middle of THIS, the self check out computer asked me to check in with the attendant b/c it wishes to card me for the patches. Luckily, the attendant was watching me melt into oblivion and said, “I got it, Hon.”) I turned around saying, “Thank you!” (That’s all I could muster up.) Rex said, “One of those days?” I tried not to scream it, but answered with a yes.

We get into the van. Go home. Stephen is asleep – I transfer him to his bed and bring the rest of the crew in. Then, I smell something burning. …………..the BBQ chicken (which I threw together this morning so NOT to have to think about dinner for tonight) is now burning and smoked. I turn the crock-pot off and start to laugh, and think to myself “REALLY? I mean SERIOUSLY!?” I automatically went to my room to keep the kiddos quiet and give myself a vacation on this email, and unfortunately spill to you.

How is your day?

I also forgot to mention – at the beginning of this day, Rachel is very quiet and I asked her if she wanted to go outside. (B/c everyone else is out there playing.) She says, “It’s messy.” I kept on looking at the ads in the paper pretending like I didn’t hear her. Finally, I asked, “What’s messy?” She came to me (as usual when she says this) with her hands out and palms up – showing me the “messy.” It was the Elidel for Stephen; the $30 small tube of cream that we just bought for Stephen to clear his eczema. Not only did she have it all over her hands, but she drew a nice painting with it on the wall behind the couch. (Grrrrr!) I immediately took her outside, called over Stephen, and began to rub the remaining expensive cream from her hands to his legs. (I’m sure the neighbors thought we were doing some sort of weird homeschooling ritual.)

The day is getting better, though. We are rebels. We skipped the football practice, got some McDonalds, and some adult beverages. I’m feeling better now. (My hubby always seems to save the day!)

Goodbyes

Some friends of ours are moving here lately. Goodbyes are so hard. I think a piece of you leaves when they do. You have invested some of your heart and soul into that relationship.

It is going to be SO nice when we are in heaven. There are no goodbyes in heaven. Plus, hopefully, those that you had to say goodbye to here on earth for whatever reason, you will see again in heaven.

If you think about it, God had to say goodbye partly to Jesus in order for him to come down here on this earth. He also had to watch him as he went through pain and suffering. Jesus is the ulitimate proof that we need to reassure us that we are never alone, and that God loves us so very much. His intention when creating humans in the beginning was to never be separated as we are today. He created us to live with him. We broke that intended cycle. We are going to feel so complete in heaven, but until then....

.........we are to put up with the goodbyes here on earth.